Friday, November 03, 2006

if you ask me how im feeling right now,
i cant tell you.
i just cant.
jaded perhaps?
haha.been pushing every weird feeling i have to being jaded these days.

yest after gp.
thou i screwed summary and aq up-
not so sure about compo,
i felt.out of sorts.like.not what i shld be feeling after screwing things up.

and today.
chi was shit.
my compo was like so rushed-
and compre killed-
and zhao ju is a total goner.
after tt.
i was in the canteen freaking out like nobodys business-
i realise its this trend for all chi lit tests.
the bigger the test/exam-
the more i freak out.
caz im afraid i will forget.
but today at least xiao xuan was there to be hysterical wif me-
grace was calm please.at least compared to how i was feeling.
and later the exam itself.
i shld kill myself for being so stubborn and insisting on spending more time on jian da.
in the end i couldnt finish my xiang da.
oh fishes.
i guess i can say im disappointed now.
but in a calm and composed manner.
i wonder whats tt supposed to mean?
why do i not feel the urgent need to strive hard?
the feeling i get b4 the papers now is more of i want to get it over and done wif so i can move on rather than i want to do my best and reap what ive so painstakingly sown.
its like the results are secondary.
its weird.
but. if they ever come out appalling in the end,
rest assured i will burst.
haha.how paradoxical.

oh btw.
im supposed to be elated and relieved now caz i wont be dealing wif anything major in chi
for a reaaally long time till when i need to go work in china or sth.
or am i missing chi already?
there's sth seriously wrong wif me and my brain.
full of shit or sth.

by Miss Pek at 20:32 |